Jokes told to me



  • Java: write once, debug everywhere.



  • What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs!



  • Hmmm..... If you listen to a UNIX shell, can you hear the C?



  • @Fritz_Fokker said in Jokes told to me:

    Java: write once, debug everywhere.

    Problem is, that's not a joke.



  • Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.



  • A blonde was walking down the street and saw a sign in a store window that said "Help Wanted," so she ran in the store and yelled out, "What's wrong?!"



  • I just love pressing F5. It is so refreshing.



  • The box said ‘Requires Windows Vista or better’. So I installed LINUX!



  • A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.

    "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
    "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

    "Nine..."



  • Q: What does a perverted frog say?
    A: Rubbit



  • How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.



  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.



  • Confucius say… prostitute with a degree in psychology will blow your mind.



  • Two engineers are walking to class when one says, “Where’d you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replies, “Well yesterday I was on my way home when this beautiful girl rode in front of me, tossed the bike and her clothes to the ground and declared, ‘Take what you want!” The first engineer nods in approval, “Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”



  • A blonde pilot crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."



  • A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."



  • Why did the spider buy a computer? To make a website.



  • Yo momma is so fat she uses a pillow for a tampon.



  • Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads together? They made an ass out of themselves!


  • Masters

    Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you.
    Girl: "Is that you or the beer talking?
    Boy: "It's me talking to the beer."

    A guy offers a girl a drink, but the girl says alcohol is bad for her legs.
    The guy asked "Do they swell?"
    The girl replies "No they spread"


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