Jokes told to me
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We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
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My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
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What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
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Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn't know who he was.
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How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? -- She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills!
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Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
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Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
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Q: I go in hard, come out soft but i never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?
A: Chewing gum.
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Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
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If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
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Q: Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?
A: She heard you could get thinner there.
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These are almost as bad as your master skills.
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This post is deleted!
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@swatllama No probllama.
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Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
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Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
