Jokes told to me
-
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
-
Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn't know who he was.
-
How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
-
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
-
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? -- She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills!
-
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
-
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
-
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
-
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
-
Q: I go in hard, come out soft but i never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?
A: Chewing gum.
-
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
-
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
-
Q: Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?
A: She heard you could get thinner there.
-
These are almost as bad as your master skills.
-
This post is deleted!
-
@swatllama No probllama.
-
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
-
Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
-
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into your friends’ house and your wifi connects automatically.
FAKE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a friends’ house and your girlfriends’ wifi connects automatically.
-
Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But,smoking bacon will cure it.
