Jokes told to me
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Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.
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Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
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A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
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Q: I go in hard, come out soft but i never mind if you want to blow me. What am I?
A: Chewing gum.
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Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
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If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
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Q: Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?
A: She heard you could get thinner there.
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These are almost as bad as your master skills.
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This post is deleted!
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@swatllama No probllama.
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Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
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Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
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TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into your friends’ house and your wifi connects automatically.
FAKE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a friends’ house and your girlfriends’ wifi connects automatically.
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Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But,smoking bacon will cure it.
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
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The Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery
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Error! No keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
