Lame jokes here:



  • Naval terms are all jibberish to me.

    Ne cede malis

    0


  • Do you know why the taxi driver quit his job? Because he was tired of people talking behind his back!



  • Hmmm….I think my IPod is broken. I keep pressing the “home” button, but I’m still here at the office.


  • Masters

    i'm for all of these jokes


  • Masters

    What do you call an Øwl who can perform magic?

    Hoodini!!



  • What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? "Oh sheet!"



  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


  • Masters

    Why don't teddy bears ever eat at picnics? Because they're stuffed!


  • Masters

    Would you like to hear a construction joke? Well... I'm still working on it...


  • Masters

    -Optic anecdote want?
    -Yes, I do!
    -Dick in your eye!

    original:
    -Оптический анекдот хотите?
    -Да, хочу!
    -Хуй тебе в глаз!



  • @ZveR I'm afraid to even imagine anecdote from otolaryngologist)


  • Masters

    @Fritz_Fokker not bad that one

    Noli nothis permittere te terere

    0

  • Masters

    Me: What's the difference between glue, tuna, and a piano?
    @Fritz_Fokker: What?
    Me: You can tuna (tune a) piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
    Fritz: What about the glue...?
    Me: I knew you'd get stuck there. ;)


  • Masters

    Pish.... get real FFS

    Noli nothis permittere te terere

    -1


  • How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

    None. That’s a hardware issue.

    Ne cede malis

    4


  • An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it.

    The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.

    The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he’s ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.

    The statistician leaps in the air shouting, “We got it!”

    Ne cede malis

    3


  • To an optimist, the glass is half full.

    To a pessimist, the glass is half empty.

    To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Ne cede malis

    3


  • On a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the midst of the French Revolution the revolting citizens led a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says he would like to face up so he will be looking towards heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

    The drunkard comes to the guillotine next. He also decides to die face up, hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine and release it. It comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Again, the authorities take this as a sign of divine intervention, and they release the drunkard as well.

    Next is the engineer. He, too, decides to die facing up. As they slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, the engineer suddenly shouts, "STOP! I think i see what your problem is..."

    Ne cede malis

    2




  • Dutch Railways today:

    "There are no trains running today. Please postpone your journey if possible."

    The real joke is of course that I've been waiting outside for my train for 1.5 hours in minus 5 degrees Celsius.


Log in to reply